I cockslap morals
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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