Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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