no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just googled if crying burns calories
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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