Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
