I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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