Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your cock deserves a montage
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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