If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
