According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize