theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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