So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
