I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
