sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
