her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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