She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
