chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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