i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
