Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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