do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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