Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
