Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sext me about skeletons
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
