'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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