then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
