He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
