Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
