i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
