There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
