how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
