look no pants
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
