Umm I'm too high to move.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
