I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
