He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
