you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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