totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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