i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
