I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
