Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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