My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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