i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
