Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
