Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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