At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
