try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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