it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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