i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
