She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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