The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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