3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
