In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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