An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
