Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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