mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize