Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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