When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
