I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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