Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
