he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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