is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
