Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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