don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
