the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
