I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
