I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
