maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
