i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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