I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
