Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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