Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
