i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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